Voici un exercice très populaire que nous donnons lors de nos suivis de couple. Cet exercice permet de garder une sensualité qui n’est pas synonyme de pression sexuelle. Suivez les indications de votre sexologue.

Step 2: include genital and/ or breast touching

In this next step, the breasts and genitals are included in the exploration. Kissing and intercourse are not. The basic guidance for Step 2 is the same as before: privacy, nudity, cleanliness, etc. And, to begin, one person should be designated the “toucher” and one the “receiver.” It is often advisable for the receiver to start out lying face-down on the bed to facilitate this process. Even though the “ban” on touching the breasts and genitals is no longer in effect, the toucher should not change the nature of the overall touching experience. 

The point is not to try to be turned on or to make something happen for your partner, but to pay attention to your sensations in the context of exploring your partner’s body as a sensual, sensory tactile experience. If the impulse toward sexual touch is overwhelmingly tempting, think back and try to repeat some of what you learned in the previous step of sensate focus. Slow things down. Feel the curve of your partner’s back and compare it to the contour of their hips; trace along the edge of their spine and see how this feels compared to the softer tissue on the back of their upper arms. Run your fingers through their hair as though feeling its texture and thickness for the first time. After you are comfortable and feeling in the rhythm of the moment, as well as feeling you are connecting with the sensations that are registering through your fingertips, then shift the receiver into a new position. 

Place a few pillows behind the toucher’s back so they can sit against a wall with legs slightly spread in a V. The receiver sits between the toucher’s legs, their back against the toucher’s chest. By reaching down or around the receiver, the toucher can reach most of the receiver’s body (perhaps not the lower legs and feet). At this juncture, as the toucher continues a general exploration of the receiver’s body, a new twist is added to enhance nonverbal communication: the receiver puts a hand on top of the toucher’s as they continue exploration. The intention of this “hand-riding”technique is not for the receiver to suddenly to take the lead in directing the action but rather to provide a simple, quick, effective way to transmit additional information to the toucher as they explore in a non-goal directed manner; however, the receiver has the opportunity to provide nonverbal feedback about subtle preferences. Although it is not the toucher’s job to anticipate the receiver’s feelings, responding to silent messages provides a way to integrate the receiver’s reactions. With the hand-riding technique, the receiver can show a partner where they like a firmer touch, where they’d like to linger, etc. The receiver can also indicate when a slower touch might be especially sensual, or when to move from one part of the body to another.

The toucher doesn’t have to abide; but with a little practice, they can learn how to combine personal feelings and needs with messages provided by the receiver. The toucher should also recognize that a signal to their hand is not a criticism of what’s happening; instead, it means, “how about if we try this?” As mentioned earlier, the toucher is free to incorporate genital touching into the tactile explorations. However, they should not shift the nature of touching to a sexual experience. This means, for example, that it is usually best to touch briefly in or around the genital area and then move elsewhere on the receiver’s body for a while, returning to the genitals in the natural ebb and flow of exploratory touching. When the toucher adds gentle caresses of the breasts and genitals to a broader repertoire of touching that includes all of the partner’s body, then the range of sensual experiences will be expanded. If the receiver become sexually excited, the toucher doesn’t need to direct their attention to genital stimulation, but if their partner wants to receive further genital touching, either partner can provide stroking (with or without hand riding to guide tempo and firmness). If either partner feels the touching has turned into an obligation, it’s advisable to stop. 

Here are a few additional pointers to keep in mind:

• Feel free to move into positions different from the one suggested (although generally receivers report feeling especially relaxed in the position described).
  
• Receivers should give their partner signals while being touched in the genital area so the toucher doesn’t guess at what is preferred. It isn’t necessary to know in advance what will feel pleasing, only to be open to feedback.
• Abstain from kissing, as it often pushes people into “cruise control” when it comes to sensual/sexual behavior, and what you are trying to accomplish here is to break old patterns, not solidify them.
• If the receiver finds they are aroused enough to orgasm, it is okay to let orgasm occur. Don’t however, try to make it happen. 

As in Step 1, either participant can say “I’d like to switch” during Step 2. There is no specific time requirement or limitation, although once again, try to avoid having either person becoming bored or tired. Be sure both partners experience both roles before ending.