What is the context that allows your brain to be sexually available and interested?

As a general rule, we are inclined to interpret a situation as fun, sexy, pleasant, and safe when the context contains :

– High level of trust

– High level of affection

– Low level of stress

– Explicitly erotic

More specifically, a sex-positive context is influenced by the following aspects:

·        Mental and physical well-being (characteristics related to self): being confident and healthy, both emotionally and physically, free of stress or chronic and acute pain, having a good body image, mood/anxiety, distractibility, concern about sexual function (e.g., constantly thinking about one’s erection, or vaginal lubrication), etc.

·        Partner characteristics (characteristics related to the other): having an attractive partner who respects and accepts us deeply as who we are, their physical appearance, their physical health, their smell, their mental state, etc.

·        Relationship characteristics: having full trust in the other (no unaddressed issues), feeling affection, and feeling wanted by the other, power dynamics, level of emotional connection, etc.

·        Environment: being in an environment that deactivates “turn offs” and activates “turn ons” – such as being on vacation or at home with the door locked -, explicitly erotic cues such as erotic literature, porn or hearing/seeing others having sex, being in public/private, seeing the other do something positive such as interacting with family or seeing the other shine at work, having long distance sex, etc.

·        Other life factors: life stress, family stress, work stress, money stress, news and socio-political state of the world, and all other non-sexual factors that influence our brain (the largest sexual organ), celebrations, birthdays, other occasions, etc.

·        Ludic factors: the word “ludic” comes from the Latin word meaning “to play”. Do you feel free to experiment, explore and play with your partner? What sexual activities do you enjoy doing? Self-guided fantasy, fantasy guided by the other partner, doing dirty talk, body parts that have been touched or not, oral sex, etc.